Friday, December 21, 2012

From one day to the other

It is kind of typical that I post something about how life can change in just one day on the 21st of december, the maya's where not right I guess, because my house did not go up in flames. It is kind of funny that the day before 'the end of the world' my life changes radically.
Yesterday I had a plan, yesterday was clear, now it is not, nothing is. I was just starting to get used to the knew environment, the people, the weird vibes. And know all that suffering, for what? Ill have to start all over again, a new place, new people, new energies. Changes can be good, but all I can think right now is; 'I did not succeed'. They told me to leave, bringing me down to the floor, as I was looking down at their feet, 'they', the ones with no human instinct harshly told me I was not worth it, here or anywhere. 
When you don't expect something like this, it is hard to have a clear mind at all, what did I do wrong? I actually did everything correctly, they just didn't like my style, my 'me'. And know I think, anyone who doesn't like my 'me' isn't welcome in my life, in my world, in my blessed and bright globe of laughter and happiness.
But when I leave those thoughts of self-defence a side, I become vulnerable in this gigantic world of big people. My vision becomes blurred and I just can't see what's at the end of that path, I am so desperately wanting to see.
I will eventually get there, I will eventually become someone I am proud of, now I just have to try to push that self-confidence up in the air and although I am scared of waving it up like a flag, I have to toughen up and start believing in my 'me' and not what other people see in my 'me'.

Written by Layla Brizzio Brentar. ºcopyright. Photography by Layla Brizzio Bentar

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